fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
