I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
