I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
