I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
