he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
