Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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