You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
