where am i from again
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
