Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
