it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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