I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
