my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just cropdusted the office
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Found the puke drawer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
