I wish my penis had an off switch
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
