I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
