I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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