i may or may not be watching the land before time
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
