this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
