What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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