Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
