i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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