I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
