I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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