My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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