Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
