Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
