I accidentally had phone sex last night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
