...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
