'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
