Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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