Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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