Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
