When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
