Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
