I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
