She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
