don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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