I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she woke up with a sticky ear
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
