the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
