I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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