I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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