I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
