I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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