Just fell off a train. Bad.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
