Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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