is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
