why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Even my vagina gasped.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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