I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
