the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
