So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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