you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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